Osamu Dazai's Entrance Exam Read online

“Wait. Are you carsick? C’mon—pull yourself together.”

  I get the sudden urge to kill him.

  Carsick is not the word for this. My legs are trembling so much that I can’t even stand. I have no sense of balance. I feel like some newborn herbivorous creature trying to stand on its own four wobbly legs for the first time. Not even the most rigorous martial arts training ever left me this exhausted.

  “All right, then! Let’s get to work! I’m going to start taking things seriously just like I promised!”

  There’s no way I could ask to rest now after the earful I gave him.

  “The building mentioned in the e-mail is just up ahead… By the way, Kunikida, are you afraid of ghosts?”

  “Ghosts? …Do you really think someone afraid of ghosts can work at the Armed Detective Agency? Guns and knives are much more of a threat than some mystical apparition.”

  “Good. Because that’s apparently where we’re investigating.”

  I turn to see what he’s pointing at, and I see a dilapidated black building standing in the bosom of the mountains. An abandoned hospital reeking of death and rot, shrouded in darkness, awaits us.

  Why?

  Why did we have to come here in the middle of the night? And on a night like this?

  All living people fall ill. Just as there is no perfect mind, there is no perfect body. One would have to look no further than a hospital for proof. Everyone is born and dies in a hospital. One could say that hospitals act as the boundary between this world and the next—the dividing line between life and death. And a forgotten, decaying hospital is all the eerier.

  Moonlight creeps in through the shattered windows, casting sapphire shadows of subtle grace over the rubble. Stagnant violet puddles resembling blood cover the floor, and out front are a bunch of spider lilies, their flowers a noxious shade of crimson.

  “It’s dark… I can hardly see a thing.”

  “But isn’t that half the fun?”

  As I drag my feet along the abandoned hospital’s hallway floor, Dazai casually skips past me. The rotten walls are crumbling while old wires dangle from the ceiling. The window frames are missing, most of the equipment has been stolen, and the hospital’s rooms are now nothing more than homes for insects. Who would ever willingly come to a place like this?

  “The client requests that we find the source of the light and noise coming from somewhere here every night. There’s no telling what might happen, so don’t let your guard down.”

  “Sure… But, Kunikida, don’t you think you’re being a little too cautious?”

  I glare at Dazai. “Only a fool underestimates the enemy. Being a member of our agency means to always expect the worst and act accordingly.”

  Lowering my center of gravity just to be even more careful, I prepare for a surprise attack while advancing down the hall.

  “Are you scared?”

  “I-I’m n-n-not scared, you idiot!”

  “Then let’s hurry up and get this over with.”

  “Don’t be stupid. In movies like this, the first characters to get themselves killed are the careless ones who get carried away and run up ahead.”

  “And what kind of movie are we in?”

  “Just shut up and take the lead. I’ll keep an eye on the rear.”

  “Are you only saying that because you don’t want to be in the—? Oh, wait. You said it was because it was too dark to see anything. Have you considered using a flashlight or something?”

  I have. In fact, I would love to be able to have some light, but…

  “If there really is somebody here, they’re most likely going to run away if they see our lights. We’re going to have to rely on the moonlight to get by.”

  “If you say so.”

  We travel through the darkness. The building creaks against the strong winds. I hear the sound of water dripping. Not only are there no private houses around this hospital, there aren’t any buildings at all. Only the hills and vast woods watch over us as the pitch-black trees howl in the blustering wind.

  I think back to the client’s e-mail. “Neighboring residents”? There isn’t a place fit to live for miles from here. The only nearby inhabitants are foxes and bears.

  —So just who is this client?

  —Why wasn’t there a name?

  —Perhaps the client really is a vengeful spirit?

  Dazai’s words spring to mind.

  Nothing but darkness in every single direction. The howling wind blowing through the building’s cracks is reminiscent of a woman’s sobs.

  …………

  I don’t believe in ghosts. I teach algebra, and I’m a believer in the sciences. Vengeful spirits appearing to kill the living is nothing more than a delusion created by a fear of the dark—the unknown.

  …………

  I’m not afraid, I’m not shaking, and I’m not crying, either!

  “Ghost!!”

  Gyaaah!!

  Dazai’s sudden shrieking from up ahead causes my heart to skip a beat. He turns around, staring at me with his mouth opened wide. Then, after getting a good look at me, he slowly but surely begins to grin.

  That bastard…!

  “I’m going to fire you for that!”

  “Aw c’mon, you just looked so nervous that I wanted to take your mind off things.”

  “Go to hell!”

  I hurry ahead and push past him. Damn it. It’s dark. I can’t see a thing. Eyes peering from the shadows, sighing coming from empty space: It’s so dark that my mind’s starting to play tricks on me.

  Dark.

  So dark.

  I can’t take it anymore.

  “The Matchless Poet: Flashliiight!!”

  Let there be light.

  After examining the inside of the abandoned hospital, it becomes clear that people have been coming here. There are scuff marks on the floor from a cart of some sort, footprints left from leather shoes, and threads from clothes. But it still isn’t clear if this is evidence left by someone who sneaks in here every night or just the remnants of past lootings. I illuminate my surroundings with the flashlight I created, but it’s not enough to eliminate the overpowering darkness and its hold over the hospital.

  I am quite literally groping in the dark. The ocean of nothingness engulfs my feet as I light up the path before me, but casting the flashlight across my feet only throws the path forward into shadow. I timidly move forward, yet I still find nothing of importance.

  “Looks like someone was just playing a prank. C’mon, let’s head home,” Dazai says as he turns on his heel, finally weary of this.

  “Hold on. What happened to ‘carefully and thoroughly investigating, examining, and reaching logical deductions’? Calling it quits already? We need to find more evidence bef—”

  “That won’t be necessary. Here, check this out.”

  He picks up a black cord with both ends disappearing into the floor… Wait.

  “Is that…an electrical wire?”

  And a rather new one, at that. It’s obviously different from the interior wiring originally used in this old run-down hospital. This wire must have been installed within the past few months.

  “We’ll just follow this wire, and…”

  Dazai draws in the wire while following it to its source. It was cleverly hidden, but we eventually find what’s at the other end. He lifts it up.

  “Hmm… Looks like a movie camera. Somebody must have secretly installed it here, and I bet this isn’t the only one. Clearly, the client sent us a fake job offer so he could get you here and film you crying because you’re afraid of ghosts. What a nasty person.”

  “I-I’m not crying!”

  “You’re right—only a baby would be afraid of a dark building.”

  “……”

  “Besides, a spirit haunting a hospital wouldn’t be so gutsy. They died of an illness, right? I mean, if some kind of accident did them in, then they’d be haunting wherever it happened, after all. A ghost who died from illness wouldn’t have
the courage to kill anyone. At the very worst, they’d just be filled with regret. Their line would be something like ‘I didn’t wanna diiie.’ Can you believe it, though? The lucky dog died, and here they are complaining!”

  “Dazai… Hey… Th-that’s enough…”

  You’re gonna piss off a vengeful spirit.

  “Like, if there’s gonna be an angry ghost, then it needs to be a skinny woman who died from pulmonary tuberculosis—all skin and bones, y’know? And she’s gotta have wet, disheveled hair covering her face and say something like ‘It’s not fair. Why do you get to live and not me? Save me from the grip of this darknessss! Save me from this paaain! Ah, it hurts! My blood, my bones, my flesh, my entrails…! Raaahhh!!’”

  “Heeeeeelp!!”

  At the sudden high-pitched scream, my heart jumps into my throat and nearly out of my mouth, too. But not a moment later, as I’m drenched in a cold sweat, I realize:

  That scream came from a living person.

  “Did you hear that…?”

  “It came from over there! Follow me!”

  Unable to wait for Dazai, I dash down the rotting hall, rush down the staircase as quickly as possible, then race down the hallway, kicking up gravel all the while. Following the direction of the scream, I end up in the basement.

  The ceiling is falling apart, just like the deteriorating walls. The boiler room, medicine room, radiography room, and the morgue run along the hallway. Following the voice, I plunge into the old boiler room.

  I found her!

  A woman’s right hand swiftly emerges out of the large water tank, struggling desperately. I race over and peer inside to find a young woman submerged, dressed in only her underwear. Her opposite arm is cuffed to a handle at the bottom to keep her from getting out. She’s going to drown if I don’t do something!

  “The hell—?!”

  “We have to get these off!” Dazai shouts as he grabs on to some iron bars. They lie across the top of the water tank normally used for laundry, preventing the woman from escaping. I grab the bars with both hands and pull with everything I’ve got, but they hardly even budge, as if there is some sort of lock. My eyes meet her dark-brown ones, opened as wide as could be. They hopelessly plead with mine: Help me.

  “We’re going to save you! Move closer to the edge of the tank!”

  I wave my hand, instructing her to move. She presses her back against the wall and curls her body as if she got the message. Then I take out the gun strapped to my waist, remove the safety, and aim it at the water tank’s outer wall.

  “Get back, Dazai!”

  I angle the pistol in a way so that no bullets would ricochet and hit the woman inside. After that, I shoot three bullets into the outside wall, piercing and cracking the tank. Water spews out.

  Facing the fissures, I spin into an ax kick. The momentum buries my heel into the earthenware and mortar outer wall, shattering it with a single strike. Gallons of water instantly escape from the large hole.

  “Cough… Cough, cough!”

  She ravenously gasps for air after the water finally drains enough to expose her face. It looks like we made it in time. Dazai rotates the large faucet handle, shutting off the water supply.

  “Are you okay?”

  I reach through the iron bars, offering a handkerchief. Her fingers tremble as she grabs it.

  “Someone tried to drown you… Did you see who it was?” Dazai asks. After a fit of coughing, the victim finally speaks up, still breathing heavily.

  “I was…kidnapped. I was visiting Yokohama on business one day until I suddenly lost consciousness… Next thing I knew, I was here.”

  Dazai and I exchange glances.

  With Dazai’s help, we break the iron bars and remove her handcuffs to complete the rescue. The bars were triple locked with cylinder locks, so I had no choice but to use the butt of my gun to break them.

  “My name is Nobuko Sasaki. I teach at a university in Tokyo. I was visiting Yokohama and suddenly lost consciousness…and when I woke up, I was here.”

  Even while pale and dripping wet, Miss Sasaki courageously explains what happened to her.

  “Miss Sasaki, do you know how many days ago you were kidnapped?”

  “I apologize… I can’t say for sure, since I was unconscious for so long… However, judging by how I feel and how hungry I am, I would say it hasn’t been any longer than two or three days…”

  The first victim in the Yokohama missing-persons case disappeared thirty-five days ago, and the eleventh victim, seven. If her assumption is correct, then there is a high possibility she’s a victim we didn’t know about.

  “…………”

  Deep in thought, Dazai keeps silent with his arms crossed.

  Miss Sasaki is a slightly thin woman with long black hair. She appears to be around the same age as me. She’s trembling, and understandably so. The kidnapper must have stripped her of everything but her underwear. Aside from Dazai’s overcoat, she’s nearly naked and soaking wet in the middle of the night.

  Her hands tightly wrapped around her elbows and her legs stretched out on the floor are especially delicate. The clothes clinging to her body sketch the outline of an alluring figure. I feel almost as if I could see through her remarkably fine porcelain skin. Wet hair clings to her nape as water drips onto her chest. I avert my gaze for absolutely no reason.

  “More importantly, there are others trapped here, too! I heard them screaming.”

  “What?!”

  The other missing people are here, too? Were they being kept prisoner in this building after being kidnapped as well?

  “I’ll take you to them! Follow me.” The woman staggers to her feet and turns around.

  But…

  “…Wait.” I place a hand on Miss Sasaki’s shoulder, stopping her. “Dazai, what do you think?”

  “The way she’s dressed makes me feel things,” he says with a straight face.

  “Be serious!”

  “…Her story’s too good to be true,” Dazai replies, this time crossing his arms. “It’s just too convenient. We came here to investigate a mysterious light and strange voices, and we just happen to find a victim from the missing-persons case? These two cases are separate, completely unrelated, except for the fact that they’re our cases… Miss Sasaki, when was the last time you saw the criminal?”

  “I’m sorry, but I never actually saw anyone. When I woke up, the tank was already being filled with water, almost covering my face. I suspect the kidnapper turned on the faucet and left five or so minutes before I woke up.”

  That must have been when she screamed. What unbelievable timing.

  “Then that’d mean the criminal was here up until a few moments ago, and I highly doubt they didn’t notice us coming. So the question is: Why’d they do it?”

  “Perhaps they heard us coming, so they panicked. Or perhaps…”

  It’s all an elaborate trap.

  But for us to run away in fear of a trap is out of the question. If there’s a high chance the other missing people are here, then there’s no way we can turn back now.

  “Thirty-five days have already passed since the first victim was kidnapped. If they’re being kept here, then they don’t have much longer. Dazai, I want you to keep her safe and follow me.” I walk down the hallway, my gun in hand.

  After contacting the city police just in case, we follow Miss Sasaki until she guides us to the morgue. Corpses are quite valuable, so the doors are sturdier than normal to protect from theft. The iron door is latched shut. It’s the perfect place to confine someone. I make sure it’s not booby-trapped before breaking the lock and rushing into the room.

  With one hand over the other, I point the gun and flashlight forward. Wall to wall, the morgue is around thirty-five feet long and dreadfully dark. The room is almost completely bare, most everything having been moved or stolen. All that’s left are a stretcher with bent legs, a ripped body bag, and the lockers on the walls. Nothing else. Nobody dead or alive… Wait.
br />   Something in the back of the room moved in reaction to the light. I shine my flashlight in its direction.

  “Hel…p…us…”

  The room isn’t empty. There are four people bunched in an iron cage against the wall, wearing only their underwear, just like Miss Sasaki.

  “Where am I?”

  “I heard a woman scream… What’s going on?”

  “There’s no need to worry. We’re here to save you. We already saved the woman you heard screaming. Is anyone hurt?”

  “N-no, we’re fine. But where are we? And why are we here?”

  I get closer. Attached to the wall opposite the entrance is a metal cage made to transport wild animals. It would be hard to unfasten with the tools I have in hand. The cage’s structure itself is simple but extremely strong. Undoubtedly, much time would be needed to break it open.

  “Hmm… An electronic lock, huh?” Dazai approaches the lock for further inspection. “Is it password protected? Or maybe biometric authentication? Or maybe it’s voice controlled? …‘Open sesame’! ‘Flash and thunder’! ‘Mine has been a life of much shame’! Hmm… That didn’t work. Guess we’ll just have to break it open.”

  What on earth was that last line?

  “If we want to break it, we’ll probably have to start with this—”

  The moment Dazai goes to touch the lock pad, Miss Sasaki lets out a piercing scream.

  “Don’t touch the lock!”

  Dazai turns around in astonishment. A red light flashes on the lock pad. The sound of metal dropping echoes from the floor above, and I hear something opening. Milky-white gas shoots into the cage. After I instinctively rush over, my eyes and throat violently burn with lancinating pain. The caged victims let out bloodcurdling screams.

  “It’s poison gas!!”

  The extreme pain causes tears to well in my eyes. I can hardly see a thing. It’s all a blur, as if everything is dancing before me. I may have accidentally breathed in some of the gas, but that doesn’t mean I can abandon these people. I place a hand on the cage.

  “Get back! It’s too late!”

  Somebody grabs me by the arm and pulls me back.